by Connie Bovier
Perhaps a directee tells you in a strained voice about her terrifying recurring nightmare. Another recounts a recent “prophetic” dream, seeking approval for her plan to warn someone else about the message received. Still another haltingly describes his dream encounter with Jesus in the fishing tackle aisle of a sporting goods store. What is a spiritual director to do?
For those who barely recall their own introduction to dreamwork, likely as part of their spiritual direction training, coming face-to-face with a high-energy dream in a spiritual direction session can be intimidating. Perplexing questions of how to receive dreams and what to do with them was the topic of a recent continuing education discussion for spiritual directors in the Houston area.
My first exposure to dreamwork captivated me. After 20-plus years of practicing 12 step recovery principles, I believed I knew my deeper self and my issues pretty well. So I was astonished to discover the uncharted territory that came into focus once I began to pay attention to my dreams. Instinctively I knew that dreamwork would become a core spiritual practice for me and I began to pursue the subject through classes, workshops, independent study and dream processing with my spiritual director. The annual summer dream conference of the Haden Institute became an anchor point for deepening comprehension of dreamwork from a Christian perspective. My learning continued through facilitating a dream group and presenting dreamwork classes and workshops for churches and for the Charis spiritual Director Training Program of the Texas Annual Conference. Eventually I earned certification as a dreamwork facilitator from the Marin Institute for Projective Dream Work.
From the beginning of my spiritual direction ministry, I’ve happily sat with persons who were willing to engage their dreams and visions in meaningful ways. When the opportunity arose to facilitate a discussion about dreams with the Gathered Community of spiritual directors (graduates of Charis and other training programs in the Houston region), I acknowledged the limitations of my own experience and reached out to a number of colleagues in my dreamwork and spiritual direction communities. Together these friends have more than a century of experience as dreamworkers and all have deep commitments to honoring dreams. From that series of delightful conversations emerged some wise counsel and balancing perspectives.
How to Receive a Directee’s Dream
The first point one colleague wants other spiritual directors to know is: “Don’t be scared!” While this may elicit a grin, it’s also encouraging. After all, as another friend reminds us: “The skills and attunements of a spiritual director are very much in keeping with those of people who do dreamwork. Put your own stuff aside and listen, ask clarifying questions, ask spiritual direction kinds of questions.” Spiritual directors already know a great deal about responding to the situations and stresses of a directee’s waking life, she says, “and dreams are simply another level of reality.”
A second point to remember: affirm and appreciate the presented dream. No matter how bizarre, baffling or alarming a dream seems, we can let the directee know with gentle comments and neutral body language that we recognize the dream’s significance for her and we aren’t put off or frightened by its content. “What a vivid dream,” we might say. “What powerful images.” Or, “I can see the energy this has for you.”
A third point – and this is the best news of all! – we do NOT have to interpret a directee’s dream. The spiritual director’s role is to hold space for the dreamer to pour out a dream in trust and confidence, to be the companion and to witness the dream for the holy gift it is, pointing toward deeper awareness and growth.
The Invitation to Healing and Wholeness
A basic premise of Christian-based dreamwork is that dreams are given by God for healing and wholeness. When a dream remains vivid for hours, days, or longer, it’s certain to contain useful material that wants to emerge into waking life. The psyche is ready to deal with dream messages when they arise and, if ignored, they often will return again and again in different packaging. Dreams speak in metaphorical language, rarely literally. While there may be a surface level of meaning, with obvious reference to familiar people, places and activities, it is in the deeper levels of meaning that contain the true treasures.
A multitude of books offer techniques for engaging or interpreting dreams. (See references below.) The first step in dreamwork is to begin keeping a dream journal. This allows the dreamer to reflect on the dream material when time permits and also to see when a recurring symbol or theme appears, linking dreams into a series.
One of my dreamwork mentors favors following the dream narrative, noticing the sequence of events and activities of the “I”, the dream ego. “Why do you think you were in that particular place at that time?” he might ask a directee. “What does the setting remind you of?” “What similar dreams have you had? How is this one different?”
Another approach to dreamwork is exploring the primary symbols that carry the most energy – perhaps an object, a person, an animal, an image, a name or phrase. It’s tempting to seize a dream symbol dictionary immediately, but turning to “typical” meanings can mask a symbol’s true meaning. The dreamer’s personal associations to a symbol always take precedence. For example, a directee’s luminous dream about a killer whale became more understandable to her after she connected it to the comfort she derived from the movie Free Willie during a critical illness in her youth.
Some helpful questions for any dream, any dreamer: “What in your waking life is like this?” “How did you feel in this dream?” “And how do you feel about this dream now?”
Dreams as Prophecy or Possibility
My dream teachers and mentors agree that only one or two percent of dreams are truly prophetic – about someone else or about outside events. Most dreams are about the dreamer and even dreams that may have a prophetic aspect, will also have personal meaning for the dreamer.
“Those who see only prophetic meaning in their dreams typically don’t yet know about the unconscious mind and what it is trying to do for them,” says a long-time dream teacher. He encourages spiritual directors to introduce such persons to the modern synergy between spirituality and psychology. When one is acquainted with Carl Jung’s view of the psyche – including the conscious and unconscious, the ego, the shadow, the self – and when one learns that dreams are a way for unconscious material to emerge into consciousness, it allows a dreamer to view his dreams from a much broader perspective.
Persons who see dreams primarily as prophecy often fear them. One dream colleague points out that such persons often exhibit dualistic thinking and retain harsh images of God. The way we react to our dreams, and within our dreams, reflects our own way of seeing and perceiving. “When people are chased by demons, pursued by a murderer or there’s a prophecy they’re going to die, it’s a reflection of the way they see the world,” she says. “Yet Spirit wants them to have a larger life. Both the imagery and energy transform as the dreamer begins a relationship with the dream.”
If a directee stubbornly clings to literal, prophetic meaning for her dreams, the spiritual director can point out that even the Biblical dreams that Joseph interpreted for Pharaoh were symbolic. In the familiar Jacob’s ladder dream, we can see the angels descending and ascending as the opening of long-overdue communication between Jacob and God. In the New Testament, the five dreams surrounding the birth of Christ in the first two chapters of Matthew further confirm God’s close involvement with humans and open channel into the sleeping brain. It can also be helpful to talk about dreams as personal parables, stories that God has wrapped in metaphorical language just as Jesus did with many of the New Testament parables.
A dreamworker who admits that she once grew anxious when someone began talking about prophetic dreams, says that she “learned to relax and to listen with both sides of my brain.” If someone, for example, dreamed about her sister having an accident, responses might include: “What you’re saying is important. Now what if we look at your dream from another viewpoint, at what it might be saying about you?” “How are you and your sister alike?” “How are you different?” “Could this dream be for you as well?”
If the dreamer is insistent about telling another person about her seemingly prophetic dream, this dreamworker urges delay. “I ask the dreamer to wait, perhaps 24 hours or over the weekend, before taking the dream to someone else.” She suggests the dreamer see what else she might dream during that waiting period. Perhaps the unconscious will produce the message in another way that the dreamer might receive more easily. Above all, she encourages the dreamer to seek clarity about the consequences of sharing a dream. “Consider the best and the worst possible outcomes for your telling this dream. Are you prepared for that?” This gives the dreamer time to pause and discern.
The Gold in Nightmares
A spiritual director’s primary task when hearing a nightmare is often to reassure the dreamer that dreams come for healing and wholeness, not harm. The best way to handle a nightmare involves confrontation because a nightmare stifled or denied often returns more powerfully than before. One friend calls that “turning up the heat” until the dreamer gets the message.
A basic approach for nightmares: return to the dream in prayerful quiet to dialogue with a threatening figure. “Who are you? Why are you here? What do you want to tell me? What should I see?” The dreamer might also write a new ending for the dream as a way of replacing the negative energy with a positive course of action, change of attitude, new viewpoint, etc.
Many nightmares fall into common dream theme categories – car trouble, running from someone or something, losing valuables, being unprepared for an important event, etc. – all of which reflect universal human similarities and our deepest fears. In many cases the dreamer may find illumination by asking: “What is this dream saying to me about my waking life?” “What am I running from, refusing to confront?” “How am I losing a part of myself in the way I am living?”
Even nightmares from the past can offer wisdom for the present. In my early dreamwork, I processed a nightmare about my mother that I’d had from age five well into my teens. When I recognized that my stern and frightening dream mother actually represented my own developing ego and inner authority (this rang true for me at a deep level), the lingering negative power of the nightmare faded away. One of my classmates in spiritual direction was living in spiritual crisis as pastor in a toxic church environment. “My dreams were wild and crazy during that period and dream interpretation was very helpful,” he says. In one horrifying nightmare, a dark figure in the back seat of his car kept shouting at him to turn around and “Look at me!” Once this pastor faced his dilemma and left parish life, every aspect of his life improved and his dreams leveled out. Today he shares the powerful nightmares recorded in his journals to introduce his theology students to the value of dreams.
Handling Resistance
To our dismay, our dreams rarely pat us on the back. Occasionally we may have a pleasant dream of a complementary nature, one that affirms and reinforces our current direction or life choices. More commonly dreams poke at or even puncture the ego, showing how our attitudes, behaviors, habits, etc., may be hampering our growth or effectiveness in life. Such dreams are called compensatory in that they seek to correct within us something that is out of balance.
A directee who is not used to confronting his long-held attitudes and responses to life may be offended by the suggestion that his dreams might be cautioning him to modify his path or pointing toward new possibilities. The wise spiritual director will sense when to extend patience and when a gentle prod might be warranted. Of course, this depends in part upon the directee’s temperament and the nature of the relationship. A directee who is dedicated to the spiritual journey and not in a stuck place, is likely to eventually hear and internalize helpful suggestions.
In rare cases, a spiritual director might want to suggest therapy – if a dreamer remains “unhinged” by a dream or if dreams of abuse might be pointing to earlier life experience. Please note that PTSD-related dreams should be handled by a qualified therapist and are beyond the scope of this article.
The Promise of Dreams
A dreamwork colleague, who has served as a therapist as well as pastor and spiritual director, calls the dreamer the casting director of his own dreams. The psyche chooses the persons who represent aspects of the dreamer’s own unconscious, therefore the dreamer holds all the truths of his own dream.
As we sit with our directees, asking gentle questions and offering prayerful suggestions, we must remember that the dreamer owns the dream. So we allow a dreamer to engage his dream material to the level he is ready and willing. If we are privileged to hear a dream of great spiritual resonance or perhaps a numinous encounter with the divine, we can hold such a dream in a place of reverence, thanking God for the privilege of sharing the holy material emerging from another’s deepest self.
Many dreams, while not prophetic, point us toward the possibilities and potentials of our lives. “There is an element of preparation for the future in every dream,” says a colleague who leads dream groups with cancer patients. “There is an invitation for moving into a larger life. We may not understand it now, but later we may understand what the dream is talking about. Wisdom can help us take it into our waking life.”