by Peggy Meade, Murfreesboro, TN
I was forty-six years old when I went to prison. When I applied for the job, I did it on a whim. It never occurred to me that a forty-six year old female would be considered qualified to work as a spiritual guide to over 2000 men. I was the only female applicant; the men who had applied for the job were all long time chaplains in prison systems. I was the very last person interviewed for the job. Call it intuition, call it karma; I have come to call it the voice of God, and in the very moment I sat before that group of prison-hardened employees, God’s voice shook me to the very core of my being. I heard God say, as if playing the melody on my heart strings, “Gotcha”. And as simple as that I was charged, convicted and sentenced.
It took two years for me to figure out that I was not sent there for them, rather they were sent to me, and I was the person who needed to be rehabilitated. The problem was I had never given myself permission to live free. In these words of wisdom from one of the convicts, I discovered the key to my own rehabilitation:
“It seems that our friend is growing apart from his wife. As he has begun to truly follow his heart. Perhaps, the key and operative word though is “growing”. I support them both in growth, and the growing pains are evident. It is difficult for peeps (sic) in a relationship to experience liberation in union. There are so many variables when there is just one, when there are two, the variables are astronomical. However, the thought that keeps re-occurring is this, harm no one. Proceed. And even that is a contradiction. People will be harmed. And perhaps it is necessary. To sacrifice growth, to settle, to be complacent, is self-defeating in itself. Either way…damned if you do… then, all of a sudden, you are no longer damned but liberated, awakened….”
I spent forty -six years of my life believing that I was free…it took going to prison to teach me otherwise. Because of the prisoners, I now see freedom where once there were chains, I see hope and meaning and peace. The God of Creation speaks even in bondage.